Friday, October 04, 2013


Fruit smoothies tropical in Costa Rica

My neighborhood in Miami

Fruitarian dish in South Beach

Coral Gables

Me in Geneva

Coconuts everywhere in Miami. I miss it.

Hemp nut butter and dates/celery

Sprouted lentils and some avocado dressing I made

raw Carrot soup

Me when I was blonde

Me at Raw Spirit Fest

Type of food they served

After my breast implant surgery, day after

Mango pasta guava sorbet raw vegan

My tiny sprouters

Home made nut milk. Ayn Rand book

Pasteurization KILLS any form of food or life.
( so does cooking) but this double guarantees your food will be toxic to you and a burden to eliminate. Your leukocytes are sure to be raised 600%.
Pasteurization will ensure you will become malnourished because anything food in the food, will be killed.

PLUS In what way can a hen's egg be said to be a vegetable? so how can these be described as "all vegetarian"?

DO not buy anything pasteurized. Actually its called IRRADIATION, pasteurized is the sneaky word for it.
Pasteurization is so wrong. Its like eating canned food. The life force is dead. Vitamins, proteins, enzymes, any form of life, gone. Like eating sand. At least sand is real.
Tonight I read Natural Health Compilation by Douglas Graham. He says too much fat is really bad and we need around 10% a day and we need to exercise.
 I love it when he says not to call people SICKNESS NUTS when they call you a health nut Or not to tell people they eat vulture food, after they call your food rabbit food.
He told the story of a guy who wore a tshirt of a cow and it said, " This cow had to die just so you could get fat and sick". He says do not do that either. Not a way to get converts.
In language and in words I should always speak the highest of myself. I want to. Even if I speak low of myself I am ok, I am just saying, the world of language creates reality.

Everything in life like wealth and money and concepts, ideas. They do not exist outside of nature.
Belief: I want to love who I am
1. Is it true (the belief from above – yes or no)? Yes
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? YES
3. How do I react when I attach to that thought I want to love who I am and I do not love who I am? What happens?
Well I feel that I do not love who I am YET always.. and I feel I have to be different or that I need this to be happy. I feel I am missing something. I feel maybe I failed somehow. I feel I want to love who I am but I don't, not perfectly so I always feel insecure like there is something I need or a way of thinking or being. I feel eager and desperate to love myself as I am, how is this done? I worship stars and idols trying to find what makes a girl love herself so much. I cannot force it, and I know I cannot fake this, it has to be genuine my self esteem of myself.

I think I have wanted this all my life. I have tried almost everything in this attempt to be perfect to myself. 

Because of all relationships, the one that I have with myself is the most genuine. Nothing can be done in ones own eyes that is not genuine. I cant fake self love to myself, only to others. 

When I genuinely want to love who I am, when I want to love myself..I feel there is this block inside of me. What is it? Could it be the desire to want to love oneself actually keep you from it? Because I have been wanting it since day 1.

When I tell myself, begging and pleading that I really want to love myself, I become pathetiv, like its something I have to earn or beg for of my subconcious. Like its not free.

4. Who would I be without the thought I WANT TO LOVE WHO I AM

I am just a being that is confused and hurt. Lost maybe. Lost by herself trying to find herself in others eyes. I am a girl who is very into herself because of fear. I am someone who feels unloved (By herself.)  Without that belief I attach to, I would feel happy in the moment. I just am me in all my wonderful and powerful way.

 If I could never again think "
I want to love who I am ", my life would just me being me and I would be loud about it.  

It sounds so pathetic, this thought I am a desperate person. Without this "
I want to love who I am", I would have a lot more self confidence. I would be more happy with who I am.  I would just be the best I am, now,  here and which I am.

If I never thought "
I want to love who I am" before, I would love who I am, for sure. I would not feel so desperate. But in time I can love myself without focusing on perfection. I know who I am. I feel it. That is who I am, me. I am just existing like an animal. I am just trying to feel good, I am just trying to have the thoughts that give me space to breathe. I would maybe be more of myself. I would be here in reality. Trying to better myself means I am telling myself I am not good enough when maybe I am perfect as is.

a) Who or what am I without my story/idea I want to love who I am? 
I am just a person who lives like any other person. I am normal , average, I have my iups and my downs. I just am a beautiful person outside and somewhere inside too. I accept myself. I live with myself in happiness, and I have alot on my mind. I realize I cannot take my mind of myself once. Nothing out there will make me love myself. I already DO!!!

Maybe without thinking "
I want to love who I am" I can actually see my life as it is! Maybe I can actually feel what I really am feeling and that may be sad or bad but I really need to feel, not cover up.

b) Who am I-in this moment- without the thought 
I want to love who I am? 

I am just a happy girl who is breathing and alive, who has feelings and who is a human. Who has alot inside. I am in the present. I know who I am, I feel it inside. I have a heart and a soul. I feel I have been waiting to look at myself or I have been waiting to be seen my my soul and my mind. Sometimes I ignore what my heart is feeling or my soul is thinking. I travel outwards. I am proud.  I am self assured. I am beautiful feeling.

Turn the thought around. I DO NOT WANT TO LOVE WHO I AM
How is your turnaround as true or truer? I want to feel love but I cannot when I am trying to cover up real pain with positive thinking. I want to feel alot of pain I have repressed. I want to get to the core of my emotions and just be angry at myself or feel bad for things I have done wrong or right. I want to feel the hurt and feel like I can protect myself. I want to feel the sadness I am so trying to hide. The insecurities I try to cover up, I want to feel. Maybe then I can come to terms with reality. Maybe I can only love myself when I accept all the bad inside which I do not love. How can I love something I do not love. That is the job I have to do. I love who I am , not " I want to love who I am". I love who I am now. I love all the bad, and all the sad.

Turn it around to “my thinking” where appropriate
How is this turnaround as true or truer? 


Granted my thoughts about me are harsh sometimes, my thinking is a little hard.  I am very negative sometimes and I guess my thoughts, really want to think highly of me. I take it is my thoughts and my beliefs... that need to find more love and beauty. I need to think more highly of myself and well, I need to love myself and not by covering my life up but by looking at my life and seeing and then accepting. I have to kind of point my thinking in a direction of going inside instead of into the mirror or the lastest binge shopping sprees.
When I see Marilyn Monroe I see such happiness and joy in her acting, and her interviews, I am so envious. She really loves herself.  How do I know, I do not. But she has to like herself somewhat to be #1 sex symbol of all time. Its always like a celebration.  I even envy her terrible childhood.

Children are so beautiful. They are everything adults wish they could be. Perfection. Absolutely MINDS THAT ARE INTACT! Self love, and the ego..marvelous.
Write a stressful concept on the line below and then question it, in writing(use additional blank paper as needed), using the following questions andturnarounds. While answering the questions, close your eyes, be still, and godeeply as you contemplate. The Work stops working in the moment you stop answering the questions

I am afraid of poverty
1. Is it true? YES
 The answer is a “yes” or a “no” only.
 If your answer is “no,” please continue to question #3.
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? No I cannot absolutely know that it is poverty I am so afraid of.
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
I get so scared and then I get desperate. I feel like I will be drowned in this black pool of mediocrity. Or I will have punks and bums as my friends. Or that I might have to live in a doorway or a squat. Or that people will look at me and think, " Eww she is poor". I feel terrified. I feel its something I want to do everything to avoid.

If the following questions apply, please answer in writing. Before you answer,
close your eyes; be still as you contemplate your answer:
a) Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? It brings stress in my life. Much stress. I worry about it alot. I get very anxious, like I have to think ahead always.
b) Describe the feelings that happen physically when you believe that thought.

When I attach to the idea that "I am afraid of poverty " I feel sick, I feel chills, its a real terror.

c) How do you treat that person and/or others when you believe that thought? 

I treat boyfriends sometimes like they are my ticket out of that. I hang on tightly to those who have lots of money. Its like a survival thing. In case anything ever happens to me, I am ok. 

I also treat my mom terribly when she is parsimonious, or when she worries about money I just can't stand to be around her. Or when I see her counting and checking receipts I get really embarrased. 

I am a bit of a snob too, I never give poor people who ask me in the streets money. I am so afraid of them, its not even funny.

d) How do your treat yourself when you think that thought? 

When I attach to that idea, I am afraid of poverty, I I treat myself with fear, I fear monger myself. I terrify myself..and I put alot of stres on myself.

e) What addictions/obsessions begin to manifest when you think that thought? (Alcohol, credit cards, food, the TV remote?)

Well sometimes I don't buy, I hide out like a hermit, and other times I overspend so I can get all that I want before it runs out. I overspend to look good, I buy designer everything and have to have everything perfect to look like I have wealth. To myself.

f) What images do you see (past and/or future) when you believe that thought 
I am afraid of poverty? Close your eyes, relax, contemplate, witness.
To the past-I see when I was poor in Boston how I had to sleep with M in his attic. I see the in  future where I will worry so much about money I get wrinkles. I see in the future being alone.

g) Where and when did that thought 
I am afraid of poverty first occur to you (at what age)? 

I guess when I went to Private school and I saw the amount of wealth little 4rth graders had that I could only dream of having. They made fun of me because my mom bought me a dress from Kmart. I knew I hated being poor, and I was never and neither was my family. But I felt it. Just cause they would not buy me expensive kiddie clothes.

(Continued on back)

Belief you are working on: I am afraid of poverty

4. Who would you be without the thought? 

Omg My life would be so different. If that concept 
I am afraid of poverty is gone from me, I see a world opening up filled with romance and exciting sexy adventures. I see me playing in life, playing and just being risky. I see me relaxing. I see me in loving relationships where finances are no concern of mine. I see maybe love relationships. 

I see new friendships that I share common interests with, and I feel I am child in an adult world.
I see my life opening up to human touch and contact and lots of fun. I see love and I see me sleeping well at night.

I se emyself as being genuine. I see myself as being me, and I love myself. I do not need to impress anybody. I am me and that is impressive enough.

I am a beautiful girl who breathes and who has the entire world at her feet. I feel life is easy. I feel young. I feel free, I feel like a child. I feel good. I feel a door just opened up inside me letting in fresh air.

If I let go of this concept, "I am afraid of poverty" my future looks clean. My future looks like I can have a lot of fun and make many friends that actually are like me and share my interests!

If I never thought that before my life would be alot different. I would have people around me all the time. I would have girlfriends and REAL boyfriends.

Additional follow-ups:

a) Close your eyes; drop your story just for a moment; notice, who would you be without that thought I am afraid of poverty? Who would you be without your story? I am afraid of poverty?
I would go through life as an adventurer. 

I would BE BRAVE. I would not be afraid of stupid imaginary monsters.

Turn the thought around.

Turn it around to yourself. 
I am afraid of myself ( in poverty)
Give genuine, specific examples why this is true or truer:
I am afraid of the wrong qualities or values in me that I dream up of in nightmares. I see the extremes I go to when a little down on cash and it scares me. I scare myself about money. I scare myself with a side of me I am afraid of. I am scared of my past. the past is dead. I am only remembering things and getting scared all over again. 

I think I will not have good judgment if I have no money that I will make wrong choices. Maybe I am scared of being needy or desperate.

Turn it around to the other. 
I cannot turn this around to other
Turn it around to the opposite. I do not have a fear of poverty; I have a love of poverty.
Give genuine, specific examples why this is true or truer:

I think its romantic. I read a lot of books by Henry Miller he was super poor in Paris and he lived an exciting life in Paris.  Sometimes poor people are fun to be with. Low class goth runaway girls are really interesting. Street urchins  have interesting lives. Poverty makes me do crazy things I would never do, that are fun. 

I have had closeness to people when I had little money before,  because I needed them. I made alot of friends when poorer. I belonged to a scene. I wasn't really poor ever, but when I was my poorest I had huge families of really beautiful souls. 

In poverty I think I would be closer to a male partner. I would feel equal. I would feel we are a team against the world. Not parasite on parasite to illusions.

Turnaround to MY THINKING

My thinking is afraid of poverty or
I am afraid of my thinking (about poverty)

Give genuine, specific examples why this is true or truer:
True, alot of this panic is in my thoughts. I fear poverty so I see it and I freak out even when I am rich. Rich is relative sometimes I feel poor with 15 grand.  Poverty is all in my head. It does not exist in nature. It is a lack mentality.

Heather Mills raw vegan diet when she was sick? ( Paul Mcartney- ex wife)


After amputating Mills's leg just below the knee in 1993, doctors told her the limb was infected and they would have to amputate further. But a girlfriend stepped in with an alternative solution: a raw vegan diet. 

"It sounded awful," Mills recalls. But she checked into a natural-health care facility, "and I literally just healed and my leg closed, whereas all the antibiotics hadn't worked," she says. "I ended up saving my knee." 

After leaving the facility, Mills adopted a vegetarian lifestyle until four years ago, when she removed all animal products from her diet and became vegan. 

Not that she's facing her menus alone. Daughter (with Mills's ex-husband Paul McCartney) Beatrice, 4, is vegan, too. 

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