Raw Vegan food when I worked for Glaser Farms

LIFE WILL ALWAYS FOLLOW ME, 
IT WILL ALWAYS STUMBLE 
AND BREATHE INTO MY BACK,
WHERE IT WILL LAUGH.

Drifting in and out of sleep,
arguing, lashing 
in my dreams, 
like I have to fix
and I gotta show..

It all means nothing 
and won't avoid suffering.

The trick to is to feel it..
and get it down..
live it
breathe it..

Not getting what you want ..
because all I am thinking about
is not getting what you want

Dreams they die 
and sorrow kicks in 
like death in my face 
and I stumbled..
I fall..
and I am here now
and nothing will pull me out 
except the natural course of things.

Decisions, 
consequences of my bad past
and bad choices, 
still following me.

The deal is, 
I need to cut some things out.

I need to cut out some things. 

I can't..
but I have to..
its a death secret.

and I dont want it!

SO what do I want? 

Love, patience, escape, new names, death!

Whatever I want will come to me,
I will attract it.

I dont need to worry about anything else.

Leave it behind, destroy by forgetfulness.

and SUFFER, suffer!
.. do not fight it..
suffer for your shortcomings..
it will teach you a lesson.

Live and love 
and don't pay attention 
to any cooked games...
(repression, decency, respect..)
Be animal !
be real..
and love 
and be touched!

Touch others who are beautiful
and kiss them.

No cooked games.

Cooked games will destroy
and make you like everybody else
dull and dead
sterile and empty

You are sterile 
if you play


Life is death 
unheard of
awaken in times of tommorow

Never to pass thru those lips again,
you looks will be gone 
in shattered 
in glass 
in coffin

Murderous
lecherous
you play
and you (win) (lose)

All is forgotten,
your life is over..
to sleep no more.

///

I am happy
I am good
I feel ok and gifted
sometimes I get down
but I don't have to worry about anything

//
I want love so bad
from a really beautiful guy.
I do 
he has to be priceless

Durian for lunch..all the mexican farmers dirty talking about me, "I don't speak spanish"
so they think I can't hear.
Old men laughing, staring, sniffing like dogs.
They say I am mean, I am cold, I give them nothing. 

I am so glad to be with you
and hear your echoes

I want to be in your room
and be in your life
I want to be in your world of love where I am just staring at you..your beauty.

I want to be in your home and know your friends..and be a part of a larger network.

WHo is that, you? are you the true god?

a twisted man?

hanging off sticks..

I want to listen to death in june and boyd rice.

Turned away into the bed, where I was your wife on day..
and in our dark basement we lived with skulls under the floor

I want to be in the room I first met you, looking at your face tripping on lsd.

I want to be crossing the dining room where I fist caught your gaze.

and you ignored me.

I want to be in that attic when you took your clothes off and me and my friend burst out laughing.

I want to be running through the graveyard barefeet in the rain stealing cemetary flowers for our goth collection.

Plankton
I am unfeeling
a blessing has cursed
a dream has vanished
words they have cried
They have died 
across your palms-
died in your hands
stupid saints stupid priests don't do anything
church is hell
life is hell with flowers
//

death erupts like violence
pound and bleeding 
hair afire

"you are so pretty
you deserve nothing but the best, I always knew that and wanted it for you"
//

Untitled, we gave our hearts to each other and our dreams both lighted up and became real as silk..there we are..in heaven..
serrated and wide, I eat you
I lick up your heart and gnaw at your liver

-

Today was a salmagundi of good feelings, I have been very nice to people and I have worked hard. I ate Durian, one was bad..and I threw out the bad.

I want to walk on the beach and just swim in waters, I want to have my hair done again so its beautiful.
I would like to smell fruit and vanilla..I would love to lie in bed and just touch skin and breath.

I am in love, endeared and endured and enlightened and enlit-ened..awakened and gentle caresses of only the best and most.

I need expeditious action. I need to clean my room, do my laundry. I don't know how. I am handicapped with my accident. I need to kiss. 

--

Happy in my shell, I have everything, I am protected. I have love. I have loyalty..

I am free to roam the world. I want to find the perfect life. I do. 

Smoothies and I want more..all fruit, creamy avo and sweet dates, bananas, mango, plum, orange..

Today I will have fruit juices too..I like Passion fruit -blood orange..and also pomegranate.

I am ready for a beautiful amazing relationship.

Cannot wait to go on my Carnival cruise. I dealt with Passport info yesterday.

I deserve it. Everything is now mine. The universe is my dream I lay in.

Listening to Alain Souchon, french singer.

Picking my nails, working, drinking smoothie, entering computer orders and dealing with accounts, kitchen girls, label machines..other employees, phones..and just being here doing errands...with one arm.

You love me, I am gold to you. 

I am gold to my heart and you are gold to me.

Like gold rays, like gold heaven, floating and full of light and warm heated love.

Inspired by perfection, a perfect outlet for all my drives, ambitions and goals.

I am safe all throughout my life, I am safe and happy and in love.

Kisses, like in a big balloon, 
Love like candy warm and sweet.

Emotions safe and protected, I am happy, I have it all, I have you, I live for you.

I do everything for you. I am yours.

-

I love walking in the waters up to my ankles and just see the horizon, the boats, the paragliders, really wealthy foreign travelers from all over the globe.

I love more than anything just being happy and content, being perfect..having everything be magic and come together.

Beautiful romantic nights. I want them forever. Always.


Loss found
a dream in the park garden
running around wealth.

Carressing a Castle,an estate..in glass, vines and gold trim.

So much around. Coin. Gold.

Lazy breakfasts on the garden, shooting sticks. 



Commercially caught again in time 

broken happy and bleeding white

Days grey in my room