Red Avocados

I took this photo above, it was on someones website. Red Avocados I saw when I worked at farm in Glaser Farms.

Cherimoya in my backyard office


I took that photo too and it was on another website.


I took this one too. It is on some cats website.
Fruitarian

And that one. He is not a cat though. I remember when I met that fruitarian.

Poached Pear Raw Vegan

When I worked at the Tree of Life. "poached pear" but raw.

Mango Pasta at this Italian place in South Beach with raw vegan menu


My meal in Switzerland, only thing in restaurant raw was tomatoes and I snuck in avocado. I think it was Grindewald city. The man I went with got some of that melted cheese, fondue, thats what was in front of my plate. I didnt have it.






I was a happy girl, happier days full of sun. I was reading lots of David Wolfe back then.


Today:


Salad with store guacamole and wakame
Salad with wakame oil and salt
banana smoothies with dried strawberry
oranges
wakame and sunflower seeds
avocado half

head hurt, back ached, lots of farting, ears feel like they are leaking, craving cooked potatoes, found myself thinking, do I really want to be all raw. BAD BAD Detoxing day. Banana smoothies tasting dry. I am walking with slight limp because of bad back. Awful mood, crabby.  Googling all day. Craving champagne...tea you name it.

Poured Hemlock and Doug fir hydrosol all over me. MMM

I got a gift, a necklace with an Australian pearl #12 and diamonds. My friend designed the necklace for me so its one of a kind.

Boring day yesterday, and today. Just watermelon juice and lots of smoothies.

I did cheat and have champagne, I couldnt say no to romance after my gift, and I wanted it. I had a headache from detox. I mixed it with OJ.

Banana, dates, greens, mango, durian, etc I live on those

I also had a bag of oranges. Lots of bananas. Dates.

I had two salads with greens, some wakame, etc with a little oil and braggs

Not very gourmet or fruity. Boring. But most days I eat very plainly.

Its my 5th day and I feel so great. I look great, feel better. I am so happy. My love life is active. I love people, my friends. I love you. I feel good.

Girls are calling me up they want to hang out.

I did a few things like blow some people off and parties. I dont know why but I like doing that. Sends a message.  Whatever that is. I just dont want to be taken for granted.

I feel beautiful Am wearing a pink dress with my new necklace.

My toes are still nice from when I got a pedicure last month. Purple glitter. I have a gold ring from my boyfriend also with some copper leaves on it.

Today I took off work. I just laid in bed with my angel. We cuddled. Its nice to give love. I like it. I should give love to everyone and every situation.

I also listened to some Orin by Sanaya Roman cds. They put me in good mood. Meditate and imagine white light in your head, etc. I feel clean. I do, clean. Alive, young, flawless.

My makeup is perfect. I feel smooth. I took a bath and scrubbed my face, then when I got out I always put silver water gel on it. Makes it shine when it dries.

Its dark now. 4pm, sun has set. Its dark. There is nothing but mountains. Thismorning I dressed up my angel and we took a walk to the park. She fell a few times. She is fearless. She will just walk off steps if I dont hold her.

We have blackberry bushes everywhere. Its too cold now, but when it fruited oh man, I had so many. I would juice a whole bowl full of blackberry juice.

I had a weird dream. I always have these dreams, where I am trying to survive a nazi like future where I am running from boogeymen. Hiding in sewers and trying to survive. I hope I am not attracting it. Also sexual dreams last night I had. Not anything pleasurable, but I was being raped kind of. HMM Its not what I want, but I have alot of crap in me I have to detox out. Alot of just wasted excuses.

I worked all day yesterday, it was really hard. I just want to be a mom. Be home and be with my angels. Sometimes I miss living alone and watching THE HILLS and reading books all night. But I paid a  high price. Now I am really busy. I run a house. A business. A family. Some days, like today, I just want to read a romance book.

I read classics, great works of fiction, nonfiction, etc but recently my friend gave me a pile of romance books. I thought, why not. I started reading one, modern ones. Wow. I was like, this is it? A whole book working up to one night of passion? And it seemed very normal, everyday type things happening,for chapters long. But I kind of feel dumbed down and I really like it. Plus romance, flirting, the widowed millionaire, the mysteries, who was my mother, who killed such and such, really got me interested. I read these books like nothing now. Very fast. Maybe its not romance novels. I dont know what else to call them. There is no Fabio in them. But there is little sex in them and lots of attraction. Yes. I have reached new lows. But its good. Its like Lifetime Movies. I love those. I watched one the other night about a haunted house with anorexic actresses.

Yes it is kind of boring lately. But when I get back on this high fruit all raw thing, I know things will work themselves out. Always has.

I have been helping out with distilling some oils lately. Pine, dougfir, hemlock spruce etc. Cedar. They smell sooo good. Oh man. They all smell different. Notes of lemon. Notes of bluegreen. I bottle them. I love the hydrosols. I use them as windex and floor cleaner. Thats the water left over from making essential oils.

Day after

I belong in the tropics. That is me in COSTA RICA.

 Raw  Brocolli and seaweed stew with hot water added, I think Miso was added. My friend Kasha made this. Raw Vegan Chef,

Spiroolied zucchini with some raw tomato nut sauce

 Mango fettucini

Making watermelon juice, Blend watermelon then drain

, 

Durian Smoothies

  I love smoothies. I live off them

My raw butternut squash soup was amazing. no recipe. Just about 2 c squash and one mango, thai coconut and spice

Frozen thai coconut flesh they sell at the asian market, wanted to try.

This morning I had some thai coconut and banana smoothie with some chlorella. I watched a show abotu aliens and the show was saying that manna, the food that fed the people in the desert, for many years, was actually chlorella. They found a machine, one of those mysteries, with diagrams on how to use, its ancient. They say aliens made these people a machine to make chlorella. They lived off that and that is why some people lived 400 years. Anyways, who knows, but I bought some, it inspired me. Ancient aliens show. They had proof of it. They wouldnt have a case with thout this ancient machine. But if its not on mainstream media noone believes. Its a machine that makes algae. Once a week on Sunday it needs to be clean. One of those magic free energy machines, Anyways, it fed people they ate nothing else. Myth or not its cool show.

Dad sent me from NYC, a pin

 Snack yesterday from Olympia coop persimmons and mango

 I saw a ufo, two suns in the sky.

  Thai coconut sauce on carrots and cucumbers from a raw restaurant in Seattle

 My grape bracelet fruitarian friend sent me

Occupy Oly

 Fruit salad with persimmon

 loquats I ate

 Salad

 Raw vegan I got at a veggie store in Miami

What I ate all day today- smoothies!

 Frozen durian I get at asian market. I call it Morning thong durian.

What I ate today

A smoothie of banana mango dried strawberries
durian fruit popsicle
half avocado
Lots of smoothies of durian dried strawberry and banana
Sunflower seeds

I have so many acorn squashes from gifts from people. I think I am going to mix it with that thai coconut, a mango and blend into a raw soup tomorrow, with a few spices. I am not a big raw squash eater, but I have alot of it.

I feel really good. I mean I am so happy I am doing this again. I feel the joy and hope, all coming back. Like almost a miracle unfolding again. Me. Fruit eating is magical. I dont care. It just is. I am looking forward to some bumpy bumps, they have not happened yet. I will do it right this time. I promise. This diary is like my secret. I have a room in my house just for writing in this diary. It has a table with marble chess set I lay my laptop on. I am looking out over Mount Ranier. This is what my view is at sunset. I took it yesterday.

 A long ways away from Miami huh?

Its cold. It doesnt snow in winter, just rains.. RAINS RAINS RAINS Its totally TWILIGHT scenery. I am not far from FORKS at all. Lots of green wet canopies. Spooky.

I watch too much tv, and work on websites for people.

I take baths. I play with my daughter most of the time. She is alot of fun. I make sure she is happy all the time. I play with her even when I am busy.

I spoke to my friend from Boston. She was the roomate of my ballerina friend. She drank alot back then. We hung out a few times. She thought I was memorable I guess and remembered my name and tracked me down. Back in the days, she had this room in a house made of wood, with velvet everywhere. We read Maupassant together, she lent me a book, turned me on, I later read every volume the man ever writ. French Lit is heavy. Its like French Poe. Anyways, I would visit my friend and wind up staying in her room because she was much cooler. My ballerina friend used to wear these leather boots that laced up the back. Apparently her boyfriend liked to be hit and beaten up. I heard he dressed like a woman. It was all so strange to me. Kind of cool. They liked Leonard cohen and tom waits. So she contacted me and we spoke on the phone last night.

My boyfriend thought I was talking to a guy, for an hour, he got super super jealous. He has been having dreams I am cheating on him. I just laugh. What am I going to do here? Well we got into a argument because he wouldnt tell me what was wrong, said things like, " Things are in perspective now" but wouldnt tell me what was wrong.  I refused to get out of the car until he told me, which he didnt. It was full on in the parking lot of walmart, just like white trash. This morning he told me, that he was jealous, thought I was cheating on him, talking to a man, losing me, etc..and we had a blissful day shopping.

Back to my friend. we gossiped about people we used to know. The ballerina, ran away with a guy she met in the harvard square T station stop, to New York. She gave me his name. I am going to track him down. If I posted a picture of the ballerina you would love her, she is unreal, her beauty is classic. She was a sexy psycopath like Angelina Jolie in her darker movies. I still love that girl. Broke my heart every turn she could. She stole just about every guy I went out of a first date with. It drove me crazy because I liked her so much. She was such a good dancer, doing ballet since she was 4.

Back to my friend. She gave up drinking, had a kid, gave it to the daddy, and is now living in the Pacific Northwest. Her friends are all beautiful, on FB, and she is living the single beautiful life full of pain. She told me her parents both abused her, all of her relatives. She is so lovely. I enjoyed talking to her for an hour last night. Some people just have IT.

VAMP.

Anyways, to my surpise she is mostly raw. How cool is that. She has been raw for many years, I think just high raw now.

This is a test, because I will be doing video blogs instead. I want to know how it uploads.

 I do want to wait a week to start. That way I can just talk instead of write.

Today its a day of bananas and dried strawberries. I have a bucker of them, a case actually. I mix in smoothie with some aloe plant I have. Smoothie day. You dont need to see photos. But its beautiful pink and in mason jar. I make when I am hungry. I dont have anything else in the house at the moment but will be shopping later.

Here are some photos of raw food. I am going o check later to see if I am double posting. I have a box full of cds of old raw food photos I have to go thru.

This was Matt Amsden recipe. I ordered it from NYC overnight shipping. THE BOX. 

Cucumber Dill Raw Vegan

Gazpacho, I think a Sarma recipe

 Love these cherry tomatoes

Yellow Gazpacho at this raw food place in SOBE. I like the little can shape island of avo and tomato

Flax cracker with raisins and coconut shreds I made, in dehydrator

I do want to write my life story as well. Just for me. I want to tell everything that happened to me, Not how I felt. Like what happened. I started doing this and my god, the memories come back to me. I have been in so many places. I have been rich I have been poor, I have been good I have been bad. I mean very bad. I was a child once. I also was a grown woman. I made alot of mistakes. I had a temper. I was jealous. WOW. I ran away from home, I fell in love a few times. I do love men. But as I write everything that happened...I would give anything to go back. Even at my worst. I love my life. Even when I was 19 and drawing sad pictures and listening to sad songs, teaching my self french and praying that my boyfriend would come back for five months straight ( he did- duh) I look back and I love my life. I guess its one of those things, beging raw so long did to me. I dont know. Made me love who I am. So I want to write everything that ever happened to me. Maybe I can post it here in clips. But there is so much stuff, and it always changes because I remember new memories.

Some I am sure I have forgotten. I did hypnosis once and remembered things I have no memory of, like getting spitballs on a school bus, or being so mad at my dad when I was a child I wished him dead. I blocked all that out. Anyways, I do it just for me. I would want my mother to do this, I would want my grandmother to do this. So I can read. Its history.

Like I asked my dad and my mom, about the first year that I was alive. And I found out things I never knew. I also asked them, what did they think about when I was conceived? My dad, LONELY was his word. So I am a product of lonliness. I forget what my mom was.

My child is a product of love. I was in love with her daddy. Plus having a child, I can only share so much, on a blog... these days with people getting their kids taken away for being vegan and stuff. I cant exactly talk about issues like health or bad things I have done when I am a mom and the world can see. Its really tough. Maybe I make my life story expurgated. I keep hidden until a later time.

Man I have been having weird dreams too. One I was face to face with a grey alien. In dream bumped into him when I was walking in a house, with lots of detail in my dream, and took him by surprise. He was coming in a house and I was walking around downstairs. I remember the house had art on the walls and a sort of drawing table in one corner. A door was opened and wind blew in, I turned and BAM>>>contact. I looked in its eyes and thought LOVE..but what I felt was, pure terror, I think the alien was psychically making me feel terror, I screamed so loud, for all humanity and all eternity. I tried to call a friend on the phone but my cell didnt work, in my dream. The next morning, I found in the middle of the night my friend sent me an email telling me the Vatican acknowledges aliens. Same friend I tried to cell. But in the dream, I bonded. Its eyes were black, skin was white. It was a grey. Beautiful, but what a weapon of fear it has. I loved it. This was before I found out they may be robots, man made monsters or possibly negative ETS.

 I would love to have a past life or in between life regression. I would like to know what that meant. The whole aliens thing interests me. I have subscription to Coast to Coast. I listen every night.

Another dream, I visited my grandmother, who died insane in real life. In the dream she was in her crypt in Paraguay. The walls were dirty and she was disheveled and crying. I hugged her. It felt like purgatory. She was waiting to die or for Jesus to Appear. Maybe she didnt know she was dead yet. Outside priets were handing out food to lost souls. It was a place of lost souls, dark alleys, little girls holding teddy bears and crying. I promised her I would come back for her. I went to catch a cab, and someone told me where the cab stand was and there were alot of souls standing there waiting in total darkness with a street lamp illuminating them.

Its my first day back on fruit raw and I feel great. I am expecting many good things. I know it can save me, I know it can, because it has. Besides fruit, I need love. Lots of love. I want to make others happy. Do I love the world unconditionally, or do I do what I have to do to please each person. I want to share happiness. I want to give give give.

I loved that dress...