Thursday, December 01, 2011

This is a test, because I will be doing video blogs instead. I want to know how it uploads.
 I do want to wait a week to start. That way I can just talk instead of write.

Today its a day of bananas and dried strawberries. I have a bucker of them, a case actually. I mix in smoothie with some aloe plant I have. Smoothie day. You dont need to see photos. But its beautiful pink and in mason jar. I make when I am hungry. I dont have anything else in the house at the moment but will be shopping later.

Here are some photos of raw food. I am going o check later to see if I am double posting. I have a box full of cds of old raw food photos I have to go thru.

This was Matt Amsden recipe. I ordered it from NYC overnight shipping. THE BOX. 

Cucumber Dill Raw Vegan

Gazpacho, I think a Sarma recipe

 Love these cherry tomatoes

Yellow Gazpacho at this raw food place in SOBE. I like the little can shape island of avo and tomato

Flax cracker with raisins and coconut shreds I made, in dehydrator

I do want to write my life story as well. Just for me. I want to tell everything that happened to me, Not how I felt. Like what happened. I started doing this and my god, the memories come back to me. I have been in so many places. I have been rich I have been poor, I have been good I have been bad. I mean very bad. I was a child once. I also was a grown woman. I made alot of mistakes. I had a temper. I was jealous. WOW. I ran away from home, I fell in love a few times. I do love men. But as I write everything that happened...I would give anything to go back. Even at my worst. I love my life. Even when I was 19 and drawing sad pictures and listening to sad songs, teaching my self french and praying that my boyfriend would come back for five months straight ( he did- duh) I look back and I love my life. I guess its one of those things, beging raw so long did to me. I dont know. Made me love who I am. So I want to write everything that ever happened to me. Maybe I can post it here in clips. But there is so much stuff, and it always changes because I remember new memories.
Some I am sure I have forgotten. I did hypnosis once and remembered things I have no memory of, like getting spitballs on a school bus, or being so mad at my dad when I was a child I wished him dead. I blocked all that out. Anyways, I do it just for me. I would want my mother to do this, I would want my grandmother to do this. So I can read. Its history.

Like I asked my dad and my mom, about the first year that I was alive. And I found out things I never knew. I also asked them, what did they think about when I was conceived? My dad, LONELY was his word. So I am a product of lonliness. I forget what my mom was.

My child is a product of love. I was in love with her daddy. Plus having a child, I can only share so much, on a blog... these days with people getting their kids taken away for being vegan and stuff. I cant exactly talk about issues like health or bad things I have done when I am a mom and the world can see. Its really tough. Maybe I make my life story expurgated. I keep hidden until a later time.

Man I have been having weird dreams too. One I was face to face with a grey alien. In dream bumped into him when I was walking in a house, with lots of detail in my dream, and took him by surprise. He was coming in a house and I was walking around downstairs. I remember the house had art on the walls and a sort of drawing table in one corner. A door was opened and wind blew in, I turned and BAM>>>contact. I looked in its eyes and thought LOVE..but what I felt was, pure terror, I think the alien was psychically making me feel terror, I screamed so loud, for all humanity and all eternity. I tried to call a friend on the phone but my cell didnt work, in my dream. The next morning, I found in the middle of the night my friend sent me an email telling me the Vatican acknowledges aliens. Same friend I tried to cell. But in the dream, I bonded. Its eyes were black, skin was white. It was a grey. Beautiful, but what a weapon of fear it has. I loved it. This was before I found out they may be robots, man made monsters or possibly negative ETS.

 I would love to have a past life or in between life regression. I would like to know what that meant. The whole aliens thing interests me. I have subscription to Coast to Coast. I listen every night.

Another dream, I visited my grandmother, who died insane in real life. In the dream she was in her crypt in Paraguay. The walls were dirty and she was disheveled and crying. I hugged her. It felt like purgatory. She was waiting to die or for Jesus to Appear. Maybe she didnt know she was dead yet. Outside priets were handing out food to lost souls. It was a place of lost souls, dark alleys, little girls holding teddy bears and crying. I promised her I would come back for her. I went to catch a cab, and someone told me where the cab stand was and there were alot of souls standing there waiting in total darkness with a street lamp illuminating them.

Its my first day back on fruit raw and I feel great. I am expecting many good things. I know it can save me, I know it can, because it has. Besides fruit, I need love. Lots of love. I want to make others happy. Do I love the world unconditionally, or do I do what I have to do to please each person. I want to share happiness. I want to give give give.

I loved that dress...

1 comment:

  1. You are so damn beautiful.

    // Emir