I love nature, well, maybe not really, but I need the rest, from what? I do not know. I do know I need Nature.

I need to be aligned, something needs to feel right. I want everything in my life to be right, aligned, perfect, as it should be.

My life is so complex, complicated, and I long for simplicity honesty and beauty. That entry I wrote yesterday was really hard for me.

I plan on coming back from Oregon a changed person. I want to be more in tune with the happiness and joy that is childhood.

I want to see cleanly, I want to be clean. I have been dealing with cravings and trying things I shouldn't be for example.

I want to be clean, but with that comes alot of acceptance of things. I have to accept that I am happy and safe, and always taken care of, protected.

I am loved very much, loved for my youth, my beauty, my clean teeth, who knows for what reasons. I go to workout, I have a nice body, I am soft, I am eager and open and very very vulnerable.

I am an animal just like you and I lay on you with my arms around you and I feel happiness. I feel I am home. I am home. We play and spend all day in bed doing things that are so great.

I am happy you came into my life. You are happy I came into yours. Like a gift, you took away 10 years off me. I am young again, I will never be unloved this time. I will be 100% complete this time around. I will never worry nor think of how am I to survive, because I belong.

Happiness is here with you. I feel like a woman, you make me feel like a woman, a child with womans body and its enormous this thing I have, I feel.

I feel happy I laugh and I want you to know my smile is as wide as it is red.

/

I have that feeling of happiness in my blood, I feel young and alive, ready to do whatever it is that would make life great.
I am sending you a kiss, on your shoulder and your cheek, your hair is so soft, your neck so fragile.

/ AYN RAND:

The man who despises himself tries to gain self-esteem from sexual adventures—
which can’t be done, because sex is not the cause, but an effect and an
expression of a man’s sense of his own value . . .
The men who think that wealth comes from material resources and has
no intellectual root or meaning, are the men who think—for the same reason—
that sex is a physical capacity which functions independently of one’s mind, choice
or code of values.

They think that your body creates a desire and makes a choice for you just
about in some such way as if iron ore transformed itself into railroad
rails of its own volition.

Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life.
Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his valuation of himself.

No matter
what corruption he’s taught about the virtue of selflessness, sex is the most
profoundly selfish of all acts, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but
his own enjoyment—just try to think of performing it in a spirit of selfless charity!
—an act which is not possible in self-abasement, only in self-exaltation, only in the
confidence of being desired and being worthy of desire.

It is an act that forces him
to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego
as his standard of value.

He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of
himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience—or to fake
—a sense of self-esteem . . . . Love is our response to our highest values—
and can be nothing else.