Day before event

Fruit Anne sent me this

cranberry pineapple date oj

Mango dressing on sprouts I did

Raw Vegan Energy soup in Puerto Rico

Stuffed raw vegan bell peppers, a raw friend made this for me. He was obsessed with parasites and always had cayenne, turmeric in recipes, to kill them.

My drawing I did at Tree of Life

My heroine with fruit

Me at raw festival

Today I have been very good. Just banana smoothies with frozen berries, or some greens, All day long. I had some green salads, organic with just wakame and oil,  some braggs with tomatoes and celery. Last night I had a wakame and sunflower seed binge, with some cooked OJ, nothing too bad. I will get on track though. Things are working themselves out.

Kind of. I want to upload stuff to my iPod so I can meditate. I feel I need to shut out the world. I was going to do a video today but I am naked with a sheet wrapped around me like a toga. That is kind of what I wear around the house. Togas. 

I feel sad a little bit. I just miss the tropics. Its cold here. I am also in a relationship. I am not used to it, and I get all fired up in my imagination all the time. I want to live in a world where I can love anyone I want. And give love.

I just want something. I want it so bad my soul hurts. I want to be a light to others. I want to make people happy. I am a brunette now. I dont even bleach my eyebrows. My eyebrow liner is now black. I just wish I could make everyone love me and that means I have to love everyone. No problem. Its what we people do, give out love and light. Those who age, dont give out love.

Its fall. The persimmons are on sale. I got invited to a bad sweater party tomorrow night. I dont have any bad sweaters. Just cashmere I got at a garage sale that a local celebrity used to own. I dont feel much like going out anymore. I need to change my attitude.

Bananas

I want to be a messenger, messiah, prophet of love. I was reallly into love. I did this exercise at an event where we dress up as what we want to be like, I dressed up as love, in red, feathers and lots of glitter. We were blindfolded and for four hours we danced, as if we WERE that which we dressed up as, we became it. Quite tough when I was blindfolded and realized I didnt know what LOVE was. Well. It was beautiful. It was a pagan ritual. I got lost in trance blindflded I became love. I was supposed to attract it I guess after that. It was before I met my previous boyfriend and had a daughter, so did it work? Yes. I think so. I also had the best time with an old boyfriend on a visit back home, before I met my previous boyfriend. I remember looking down at him with such love. He said something really rude like C'mon get into it. Oh well.

I have to give love to everyone and every situation. Always. Love.  Just love. Soul LOVE. Anyways. I am going to do all these guided meditations until I get there

Last night I watched a documentary on youtube called The prince, the showgirl and me. The movie is coming out My week with Marilyn, its out already, just not in my town. A guy had a fling with Marilyn Monroe one summer and wrote about it. Very cool.

Today was less difficult. I had half an avocado with braggs and cayenne, tons of banana smoothies with dried strawberries. I had a whole cantaloupe. For dinner I will have a salad with some wakame and maybe a tsp of oil. In WA I am eatign lots of bananas. The mangos here are no good, hard, chilled and when you buy them they are rotten inside and still green.  I will also have a thai coconut tonight. I miss Miami fruit. There is nothing here fresh but apples and squash and I dont like either.

Here are some photos. I still have alot. I want to do videos soon.

Me eating purslane at the green smoothie retreat in Oregon

My pregnancy in hospital was very hard. I do not recommend. I had no rights. No choice. Thats all I wish to say at the moment. The photo says it all.

I loved the farmers markets in Coral gables

My lion statue from Miami

  Where I took my breaks when I worked at Law Office in South Beach, on the roof next to jacuzzi and pool

Photo I took in Philly and did all HDR like. I was really into HDr effect.

Raw food hummus plate in las vegas, ok. Zucchini, carrots, cucumbers with some flax crackers.

Red Avocados

I took this photo above, it was on someones website. Red Avocados I saw when I worked at farm in Glaser Farms.

Cherimoya in my backyard office


I took that photo too and it was on another website.


I took this one too. It is on some cats website.
Fruitarian

And that one. He is not a cat though. I remember when I met that fruitarian.

Poached Pear Raw Vegan

When I worked at the Tree of Life. "poached pear" but raw.

Mango Pasta at this Italian place in South Beach with raw vegan menu


My meal in Switzerland, only thing in restaurant raw was tomatoes and I snuck in avocado. I think it was Grindewald city. The man I went with got some of that melted cheese, fondue, thats what was in front of my plate. I didnt have it.






I was a happy girl, happier days full of sun. I was reading lots of David Wolfe back then.


Today:


Salad with store guacamole and wakame
Salad with wakame oil and salt
banana smoothies with dried strawberry
oranges
wakame and sunflower seeds
avocado half

head hurt, back ached, lots of farting, ears feel like they are leaking, craving cooked potatoes, found myself thinking, do I really want to be all raw. BAD BAD Detoxing day. Banana smoothies tasting dry. I am walking with slight limp because of bad back. Awful mood, crabby.  Googling all day. Craving champagne...tea you name it.

Poured Hemlock and Doug fir hydrosol all over me. MMM

I got a gift, a necklace with an Australian pearl #12 and diamonds. My friend designed the necklace for me so its one of a kind.

Boring day yesterday, and today. Just watermelon juice and lots of smoothies.

I did cheat and have champagne, I couldnt say no to romance after my gift, and I wanted it. I had a headache from detox. I mixed it with OJ.

Banana, dates, greens, mango, durian, etc I live on those

I also had a bag of oranges. Lots of bananas. Dates.

I had two salads with greens, some wakame, etc with a little oil and braggs

Not very gourmet or fruity. Boring. But most days I eat very plainly.

Its my 5th day and I feel so great. I look great, feel better. I am so happy. My love life is active. I love people, my friends. I love you. I feel good.

Girls are calling me up they want to hang out.

I did a few things like blow some people off and parties. I dont know why but I like doing that. Sends a message.  Whatever that is. I just dont want to be taken for granted.

I feel beautiful Am wearing a pink dress with my new necklace.

My toes are still nice from when I got a pedicure last month. Purple glitter. I have a gold ring from my boyfriend also with some copper leaves on it.

Today I took off work. I just laid in bed with my angel. We cuddled. Its nice to give love. I like it. I should give love to everyone and every situation.

I also listened to some Orin by Sanaya Roman cds. They put me in good mood. Meditate and imagine white light in your head, etc. I feel clean. I do, clean. Alive, young, flawless.

My makeup is perfect. I feel smooth. I took a bath and scrubbed my face, then when I got out I always put silver water gel on it. Makes it shine when it dries.

Its dark now. 4pm, sun has set. Its dark. There is nothing but mountains. Thismorning I dressed up my angel and we took a walk to the park. She fell a few times. She is fearless. She will just walk off steps if I dont hold her.

We have blackberry bushes everywhere. Its too cold now, but when it fruited oh man, I had so many. I would juice a whole bowl full of blackberry juice.

I had a weird dream. I always have these dreams, where I am trying to survive a nazi like future where I am running from boogeymen. Hiding in sewers and trying to survive. I hope I am not attracting it. Also sexual dreams last night I had. Not anything pleasurable, but I was being raped kind of. HMM Its not what I want, but I have alot of crap in me I have to detox out. Alot of just wasted excuses.

I worked all day yesterday, it was really hard. I just want to be a mom. Be home and be with my angels. Sometimes I miss living alone and watching THE HILLS and reading books all night. But I paid a  high price. Now I am really busy. I run a house. A business. A family. Some days, like today, I just want to read a romance book.

I read classics, great works of fiction, nonfiction, etc but recently my friend gave me a pile of romance books. I thought, why not. I started reading one, modern ones. Wow. I was like, this is it? A whole book working up to one night of passion? And it seemed very normal, everyday type things happening,for chapters long. But I kind of feel dumbed down and I really like it. Plus romance, flirting, the widowed millionaire, the mysteries, who was my mother, who killed such and such, really got me interested. I read these books like nothing now. Very fast. Maybe its not romance novels. I dont know what else to call them. There is no Fabio in them. But there is little sex in them and lots of attraction. Yes. I have reached new lows. But its good. Its like Lifetime Movies. I love those. I watched one the other night about a haunted house with anorexic actresses.

Yes it is kind of boring lately. But when I get back on this high fruit all raw thing, I know things will work themselves out. Always has.

I have been helping out with distilling some oils lately. Pine, dougfir, hemlock spruce etc. Cedar. They smell sooo good. Oh man. They all smell different. Notes of lemon. Notes of bluegreen. I bottle them. I love the hydrosols. I use them as windex and floor cleaner. Thats the water left over from making essential oils.

Day after

I belong in the tropics. That is me in COSTA RICA.

 Raw  Brocolli and seaweed stew with hot water added, I think Miso was added. My friend Kasha made this. Raw Vegan Chef,

Spiroolied zucchini with some raw tomato nut sauce

 Mango fettucini

Making watermelon juice, Blend watermelon then drain

, 

Durian Smoothies

  I love smoothies. I live off them

My raw butternut squash soup was amazing. no recipe. Just about 2 c squash and one mango, thai coconut and spice

Frozen thai coconut flesh they sell at the asian market, wanted to try.

This morning I had some thai coconut and banana smoothie with some chlorella. I watched a show abotu aliens and the show was saying that manna, the food that fed the people in the desert, for many years, was actually chlorella. They found a machine, one of those mysteries, with diagrams on how to use, its ancient. They say aliens made these people a machine to make chlorella. They lived off that and that is why some people lived 400 years. Anyways, who knows, but I bought some, it inspired me. Ancient aliens show. They had proof of it. They wouldnt have a case with thout this ancient machine. But if its not on mainstream media noone believes. Its a machine that makes algae. Once a week on Sunday it needs to be clean. One of those magic free energy machines, Anyways, it fed people they ate nothing else. Myth or not its cool show.

Dad sent me from NYC, a pin

 Snack yesterday from Olympia coop persimmons and mango

 I saw a ufo, two suns in the sky.

  Thai coconut sauce on carrots and cucumbers from a raw restaurant in Seattle

 My grape bracelet fruitarian friend sent me

Occupy Oly

 Fruit salad with persimmon

 loquats I ate

 Salad

 Raw vegan I got at a veggie store in Miami

What I ate all day today- smoothies!

 Frozen durian I get at asian market. I call it Morning thong durian.

What I ate today

A smoothie of banana mango dried strawberries
durian fruit popsicle
half avocado
Lots of smoothies of durian dried strawberry and banana
Sunflower seeds

I have so many acorn squashes from gifts from people. I think I am going to mix it with that thai coconut, a mango and blend into a raw soup tomorrow, with a few spices. I am not a big raw squash eater, but I have alot of it.

I feel really good. I mean I am so happy I am doing this again. I feel the joy and hope, all coming back. Like almost a miracle unfolding again. Me. Fruit eating is magical. I dont care. It just is. I am looking forward to some bumpy bumps, they have not happened yet. I will do it right this time. I promise. This diary is like my secret. I have a room in my house just for writing in this diary. It has a table with marble chess set I lay my laptop on. I am looking out over Mount Ranier. This is what my view is at sunset. I took it yesterday.

 A long ways away from Miami huh?

Its cold. It doesnt snow in winter, just rains.. RAINS RAINS RAINS Its totally TWILIGHT scenery. I am not far from FORKS at all. Lots of green wet canopies. Spooky.

I watch too much tv, and work on websites for people.

I take baths. I play with my daughter most of the time. She is alot of fun. I make sure she is happy all the time. I play with her even when I am busy.

I spoke to my friend from Boston. She was the roomate of my ballerina friend. She drank alot back then. We hung out a few times. She thought I was memorable I guess and remembered my name and tracked me down. Back in the days, she had this room in a house made of wood, with velvet everywhere. We read Maupassant together, she lent me a book, turned me on, I later read every volume the man ever writ. French Lit is heavy. Its like French Poe. Anyways, I would visit my friend and wind up staying in her room because she was much cooler. My ballerina friend used to wear these leather boots that laced up the back. Apparently her boyfriend liked to be hit and beaten up. I heard he dressed like a woman. It was all so strange to me. Kind of cool. They liked Leonard cohen and tom waits. So she contacted me and we spoke on the phone last night.

My boyfriend thought I was talking to a guy, for an hour, he got super super jealous. He has been having dreams I am cheating on him. I just laugh. What am I going to do here? Well we got into a argument because he wouldnt tell me what was wrong, said things like, " Things are in perspective now" but wouldnt tell me what was wrong.  I refused to get out of the car until he told me, which he didnt. It was full on in the parking lot of walmart, just like white trash. This morning he told me, that he was jealous, thought I was cheating on him, talking to a man, losing me, etc..and we had a blissful day shopping.

Back to my friend. we gossiped about people we used to know. The ballerina, ran away with a guy she met in the harvard square T station stop, to New York. She gave me his name. I am going to track him down. If I posted a picture of the ballerina you would love her, she is unreal, her beauty is classic. She was a sexy psycopath like Angelina Jolie in her darker movies. I still love that girl. Broke my heart every turn she could. She stole just about every guy I went out of a first date with. It drove me crazy because I liked her so much. She was such a good dancer, doing ballet since she was 4.

Back to my friend. She gave up drinking, had a kid, gave it to the daddy, and is now living in the Pacific Northwest. Her friends are all beautiful, on FB, and she is living the single beautiful life full of pain. She told me her parents both abused her, all of her relatives. She is so lovely. I enjoyed talking to her for an hour last night. Some people just have IT.

VAMP.

Anyways, to my surpise she is mostly raw. How cool is that. She has been raw for many years, I think just high raw now.